Sex Therapy 101
I recently posted an anonymous questionnaire on my Facebook page about sex therapy. I asked four questions:
Have you ever been to a sex therapist?
Would you ever consider going to a sex therapist?
Please explain your answer to #2.
If you could ask a sex therapist one question or discuss one issue, what would it be?
Out of 31 respondents, none had been to a sex therapist, 36.7% said they would consider going to a sex therapist, 40% said they would maybe go to a sex therapist, and 23.3% said they would not consider sex therapy.
There was a myriad of explanations as to why respondents would, maybe would, or would not consider going to a sex therapist. Some respondents said they would not consider sex therapy because their sex life was too private or they would be embarrassed. Others said they might go if their partner requested it or if they felt like they needed it. A few people noted that they would like to go to sex therapy because they or their partner have experienced a loss of sex drive, their relationship with their partner is struggling, or they wonder whether their sexual “norms” are, in fact, normal.
Here are a few questions/issues respondents said they would like to discuss with a sex therapist:
How can I communicate better about sexuality with my spouse?
How can I get over sexual shame?
How can we continue an intimate relationship as we age?
How can I feel less anxious about sex?
How can I more confidently express what I want?
How do we handle different sex drives?
How can we move beyond physical pleasure to emotional closeness?
How can I still have a good sex life even though I have experienced sexual trauma?
My favorite out of all of the responses was this one: “If sex was an Olympic sport, my lady and I would win.”
For many, though, sex does not feel like an Olympic sport they would win, and some aren’t even sure they want to participate at all.
This is quite the understatement, but I’m going to say it anyway: sex is complicated.
Sex is complicated, but it’s also private, so what do we do if we have questions, if we are confused, if we need help? For something that is such a significant part of many of our lives, it is also a thing that is often shrouded in secrecy and, sometimes, shame.
This is where having a sex therapist can be helpful. I know you may be thinking: if we can’t even talk to our friends about sex, or maybe even our partner, how could we ever talk to a stranger? I get it. And I agree that going to a sex therapist could very well require mustering a dose of courage. However, consider these facts about the benefits of sex therapy from Medical News Today:
“Sex therapy can help both individuals and couples:
gain a realistic understanding of sex and pleasure
identify and address underlying causes of sexual issues
grow and maintain a deeper sexual connection with themselves and their partners.”
So what is sex therapy?
According to Richard Ashby, a sex therapist here at Prairie Wellness Counseling Center, “Sex therapy is talk therapy with someone who is comfortable talking about sex.” In sex therapy, individuals or couples talk through mental, emotional, and/or physical issues related to sex with a licensed mental healthcare provider in a safe, nonjudgmental environment. A sex therapist can help you understand your own sexuality and help you communicate with your partner about your sexual desires and needs. They can help you heal from sexual trauma and develop a healthy relationship with sex. They can help you feel freedom in this intimate area of our lives that, for many of us, is layered with shame, misinformation, trauma, or unresolved issues. Another way that Ashby described sex therapy is that, “It’s everything.” Our sexuality is tied to our identity, so who we are as sexual people informs the many layers that make us who we are. When we have a healthy sense of our sexuality, we are also healthier as human beings.
If you are interested in learning more about sex therapy, scheduling a consultation call, or making an appointment, please check out Richard Ashby’s bio page and give us a call at 913.214.1219.
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